I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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