I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
