Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
