She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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