Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
