I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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