i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize