I am in a vortex of obligation.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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