So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
