your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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