Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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