The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
