Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
