whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
