Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
