I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
