Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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