break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
