how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
