Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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