i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
