You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
