life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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