You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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