Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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