I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
