Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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