this boner is exhausting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize