the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
