3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's shark week go big or go home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
