so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
