Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
