he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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