we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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