i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
