The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
