First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize