Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
