hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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