i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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