Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
