Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
