:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
