3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize