There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
