Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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