Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
