then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
