if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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