I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
