Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
