i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
