so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
