lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
