He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
40s are totally the cure
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My ass is underappreciated
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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