In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
