Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
