I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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