then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
