wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
