Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
