He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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