look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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