HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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