I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
