my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize