he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
