If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
