Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
