you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
